A marriage is a commitment made by two people, for better or worse. They promise to be faithful to each other, to be there for each other until death does them part.
Everyone wants a successful marriage, which is why a married couple does not break up so easily. Only, as time goes by, the flame is gradually extinguished, the routine takes over and the complicity in the couple disappears. The two partners become distant, and sometimes they behave like two strangers.
When you get married, you can feel like you’ve accomplished something. Whereas, on the contrary, rather than being an end, marriage is the beginning of something. It’s like buying a beautiful plant, which will have to be maintained on a daily basis so that it doesn’t perish and flourish. The highest divorce rate occurs in the fifth year of marriage. Before starting divorce proceedings, are you sure you have tried everything to save your couple? This is the subject of this article.
What makes couples want to divorce?
So why do couples break up after such a long life together? What should we do to avoid imitating them?
Here are 9 causes of divorce among couples who have been married for decades:
- The phase of disidealization: this is the moment when we discover that the other is not as perfect as we imagined, we discover his true personality. This phase usually occurs in the third year of the relationship.
- The arrival of a child: this can be disruptive for the couple because we become parents, the different principles of education can also become a subject of dispute.
- Moving in or out: this can make partners move away from each other or bring them closer together. Moving house can cause disagreements: one partner may be less involved than the other or may not want to move, which can lead to disputes.
- Career change or job loss: Losing a job can cause financial problems for the couple, but also guilt: the person who has lost his or her job may feel useless or dependent on his or her partner.
- Extramarital affairs: 2 to 3 couples out of 4 would one day be affected by the infidelity of one of the two partners. Very few couples survive because it is very difficult for the other partner to trust again.
- Midlife crisis: One or both partners take stock of their lives in general, including their love life. This is a time of deep questioning.
- Empty Nest Syndrome: When children leave home, the parents come face to face again. They become more aware of the imbalances that were previously masked by the presence of children.
- Illness or loss of a loved one: Few couples survive, especially when one of them suffers more than the other and does not feel supported by his or her partner.
- Retirement: the retired person has to adapt to his or her new way of life, the fact that he or she is no longer working and is no longer available confronts him or her with the other person and any problems in the couple.
Here are some tips that will help you save your marriage
So what can I do to avoid a divorce from my husband or wife? How do I rekindle the flame in a couple?
Marriage is a work in progress, and I’m going to give you the keys to give your marriage a second wind.
1. Take stock of the couple, each on his own.
Your marriage is in trouble and you could lose your spouse at any time. There are obviously reasons for this.
In this kind of situation, it is important to be able to question yourself. Maybe the other person makes mistakes, maybe you have things to blame them for, but you inevitably make mistakes too.
Do you then question yourself, how can you correct the reproaches that your spouse makes to you? What is it that makes your duo no longer work today?
You need to work on your own before working together on your relationship that is going badly.
2. Talking to save your marriage!
Dialogue is an essential element for a couple to work!
You must not keep secrets from each other even though it is normal to keep your little secret garden. It’s also important to say everything you have on your heart because by accumulating, you’re going to end up exploding and it’s going to be a guaranteed row!
So regularly, don’t hesitate to take the time to talk to your partner, to tell him or her everything you think, the criticisms you can make. Also, listen to what he/she has to say, and above all don’t take the reproaches badly, you have to know how to hear them improve yourself.
Your spouse is your half, your soul mate, so it is essential to share everything together. He/she is also the one who understands you the best, and who can feel your state of mind more easily.
3. Reliving the past.
The beginning of a love story is always “all pretty and pink”: there are practically no arguments, you always want to see the other person, to talk to him, and you are in admiration of your partner, of his charms…
But as time goes by, the passion fades and the “metro-work-asleep” routine settles into your relationship. You don’t talk to each other anymore and you lock yourself into this routine that can seriously harm the couple.
At the beginning of your relationship, you probably used to go to restaurants, movies, see your friends. Maybe you even had a ritual that you don’t do anymore. So why don’t we keep going on these outings? You have to break the routine by going on outings, as you used to do back then.
You can go back to a restaurant you used to go to, for example. If you can afford it, you can also plan a holiday or weekend. There too, going back to places you went as a young couple, you can also redo your honeymoon, and it can only bring back good memories!
4. Surprise him/her!
A couple is always working on themselves. No one is ever acquired, one must constantly seduce the other, even after decades of marriage.
That’s why it’s important not to let yourself go, to continue to take care of your appearance. But don’t be afraid of change sometimes! Fashion changes over time, and you have to keep up with it. Stay in the trend of the moment, regardless of your age.
You can surprise your partner by changing your haircut for example. And when you go out, take the time to prepare yourself properly, to put on a minimum of makeup.
You have to please yourself but also please your better half! Another way to surprise his companion is to offer him surprise outings. At the last minute, suggest a restaurant, for example, or a movie theater, etc…
You have to relive the carefree days you had when you were young. Give him/her small surprise gifts as well, small intentions that show that you are thinking about him/her.
Gentlemen, give your wife a bouquet of flowers every now and then. Another touching little attention for example is to leave a little love note to your significant other or send a few text messages during the day showing that you are thinking about him/her.
5. Sexuality: A good thing to save your marriage?
Although this is a taboo subject, it is important to talk about it because sexuality in a couple is essential.
If two people don’t get along at that level, it’s obvious that the couple is not going to work. So you need to be in harmony with your partner. The more time goes by, lesser the couples have sex. Unconsciously, this lack of sexual activity can have a significant impact on the couple’s poor relationship.
So you must find this desire between you. Even though it may seem difficult, talk about your sexuality with your partner, your desires, and your fantasies. A happy married life requires a fulfilled sex life.
To sum up, to save your marriage, you have to..:
- challenge yourself and correct your mistakes,
- dialogue with your spouse, express your feelings,
- going out on dates together,
- Continue to surprise him/her every day.
Everyone wants a successful marriage, which is why a married couple does not break up so easily. If you are still struggling to regain a fulfilling life as a couple, apply the advice we’ve given you above.
I therefore invite you, dear readers, to comment on this article so that you can give your opinion on it and also to share your experiences in order to help those who are in need, those who want to know how to save a couple when they are on the verge of divorce.