There comes a time in one’s life where the universe aligns and your destiny romantically entwines with another. Meeting and bonding with a significant other tend to ignite unprecedented, magical feelings. Your forlorn days finally meet their untimely end and for once, the happily ever after notion seems so graspable. But there comes a time where the seed of uncertainty may begin to germinate, leading to doubts about a new relationship. Everything was just peachy in the hay days of the relationship. So, what prompts the sudden cold feet? What was the bad omen? What did you discover? Don’t be dismayed because you are not alone in this.
The first thing to overcoming doubts in a new relationship is to get to the root of the problem. The most common trigger for this is due to trauma from previous relationships. Memories of painful ordeals from a toxic ex is a foolproof path to having second thoughts about a new relationship. Like a pick from a raffle draw, such an ordeal may be from domestic abuse, cheating, lack of communication, and others. Don’t let your doubts ruin a good thing just because you nurse ideas that you don’t match. Is there a way to overcome this unsettling feeling when in a new relationship? Yes! It’s your lucky day, there are two main ways to tackle those doubts:
INNER REFLECTION
Doubts are normal in any new relationship. Setting aside trauma from past relationships, you may need to dig deep and battle your inner demons. You may even be new to romance and it got your spider senses tingling out of control. You may just have a fear of intimacy and not even know. This means you get the creeps when someone tries to be closer to you. You feel very vulnerable as you have to unlock your innermost fears, thoughts, and dreams. You may wonder if he’d still want you with all your flaws. Now listen, the only human to walk the face of the earth without any weakness was? It was no one! In order to forge a stronger bond with your partner, you must come to the terms that embracing your imperfection is perfection. Consequently, If you let your significant partner see you as a human with insecurities, your doubt will subside in no time.
IDEAL MATE SYNDROME
This is not a disease but a toxic mental mindset about having a partner that ticks all the boxes. Tall, dark, fair, handsome, pretty, curvy, rich etc. Rings a bell? No one is flawless and without accepting this fact, your relationship will face a downward spiral dive into unhappiness. With unhappiness comes separation, bitterness, anger and its other relatives. Many hold tight to the ideal mate syndrome as a get-out-of-a-relationship free card. Obviously, one’s partner must meet certain criteria and then, you can work on his or her flaws. Nursing unrealistic expectations of how your lover should be is an alarming symptom for a control freak. Tone down your expectations a notch and accept people as they are.
COMMUNICATION
This is an integral component of any successful relationship. Having doubts about a new relationship doesn’t only spring up from past relationships. There is a myriad of thoughts that may concern such doubts. It may just be fear and this fear has various categories. Fear of losing the person, unmatchable goals, or even sexual incompatibility. No human is perfect and as such, it’s impossible to have your desired characteristics cataloged into just one person. If you truly love him or her then unburden yourself by sharing your thoughts. The best way to find closure in this scenario is by being honest. Be clear about what you want and your plans. This creates a platform for reassurance as you even get to know if your partner nurses any doubts too. A win-win tactic.
IRON OUT YOUR DIFFERENCES
This may just be the soul mate you’ve been waiting for all your life. Good things never come easy and when they do, will you just let it slip away without a fight? From having an honest and mature conversation, you get clarity on the direction of the relationship. In order, not to
have a titanic episode by hitting an obstacle, you must forge the foundation of the relationship by laying out all doubts and expectations. Any holes can be plugged by coming to a common ground with your partner. In the end, you have to remember that doubts are normal, a response to change they are. This is why it’s imperative that you resolve them before you forge ahead in the relationship.
